Aside from being an outdated term - what house has a parlor anymore? - the whole funeral industry could do with a little revamping if you ask me. Even the more modern "funeral home", with its fancy couches and dark wood is antiquated.
I say it's high time to add some pizzazz to the death business.
I'm not suggesting we completely do away with the serious send-offs currently in use, especially if that's what people want. But isn't there a little wiggle room here? Why must we always be so stiff and formal? (Ok, stiff I get. Formal, not so much.)
Why not a funky funeral den with, say, a seventies theme? Sunken couches, green glass ashtrays, maybe a little Led Zep or Floyd in the background, a smoke machine. Or for those so inclined, an eighties sendoff, complete with parachute pants, Izod shirts, and the smell of Aqua Net wafting through the air. Cyndi Lauper singing Time after Time could be looped over and over.
How about an "adventure funeral" where friends get to celebrate being alive by jumping from an airplane or dangling from a bungee cord? Although, as a confirmed coward where heights are concerned, I'm not sure how these activities help people celebrate life. But to each his own.
For the more civic-minded among us, we could hold charitable funerals by cleaning up a public park or something equally altruistic. For deceased sports fans we could have baseball or football games.
When you think about it, the possibilities are endless. Yet here we are with the same white funeral homes with black shutters, fancy cars, and empathetic-looking ushers that keep wake lines moving. Just once I'd like to experience something different. Before I croak myself, that is.
Other countries seem much looser with their death rituals than we Americans. In Greece, one funeral tradition was to invite the funniest man in the village and mourners spent the night laughing and celebrating. Tibetan Buddhists practice “Sky Burials” by chopping their dead into pieces and feeding them to birds. The Taiwanese hire bands of strippers to attend funerals and entertain mourners.
So it's not like the whole alternative funeral thing is without precedent. And sure there are pockets of individuality here in the United States . Biker funerals can be pretty interesting, for example. But that's about it as far as I can tell.
Were I to die tomorrow, I'd want all my friends and relatives to come over my house and have their way with my belongings. See a book you like? By all means take it. Know a Grateful Dead fan who might like the 300 or so live shows I've collected over the years? If you do - and chances are, you don't - they're yours for the taking.
After everyone took whatever they wanted, I'd want someone to sell off the rest my belongings and either throw a giant party or donate it to charity. Since I'm already dead in this scenario, I'll leave the choice up to someone else.
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